first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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