Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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