this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
