operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
