I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
