no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
