could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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