youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
