4 words: hood of his car
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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