someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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