its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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