I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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