My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
