I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm like, not good at living.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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