after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
