bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
