Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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