I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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