i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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