Four minutes until I can fart!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
