I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
