she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
