in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
