i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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