Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
