Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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