Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
