I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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