I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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