I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
