i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
