i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
