I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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