Moan for me like Helen Keller
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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