You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
