Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We need a shit load of segways right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
