he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We have so much sex to catch up on
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
