If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
