she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
