I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
