Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Barsexuality is the new black.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
