Swine flu. Run for my life!
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
