Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
