He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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