The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
