Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
