I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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