I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
