If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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