I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing