my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.