I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
