Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
