I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
