the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
