I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
