She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
