I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
