I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
