Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We are all done wearing pants today
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
