My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
