you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
