she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
