so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
