I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
