he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
