i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
